HOW TO CHECK REALITY IN WOMEN...

THE KENYAN WIFE: The Kenyan wife wakes up late, meaning that she has no time to prepare breakfast for her husband or even serve what the house help has prepared. While she rushes through this, her husband is waiting for her in the car or has already left for work, a discontented man.

THE REALITY IS: The Kenyan wife wakes up late sometimes. This could be because she was kept awake by a colicky baby and could now be catching up on some much needed sleep. This is also because she is the only one with a pair of breasts to help nurse and comfort the child. If she is going to work, you cannot expect her to be superwoman and prepare breakfast as well as serve her husband when she should be getting ready to go to work to help out with the finances. And as far as the man waiting in the car, she has to make arrangements as to what will be eaten and how the household chores need to be done for the day before leaving for work. She will leave for work a discontented woman.

IDEAL KENYAN WIFE: The ideal wife wakes up early, prepares a bath for her husband, even if not literally, but makes sure she is the one who tells him the bath is ready. While he is in the bathroom, she lays out his ironed clothes for him. She ensures that they have breakfast together and when he leaves home for work, he leaves a happy man.

THE REALITY IS: The ideal wife wakes up early, prepares a bath for her husband, even if not literally, but makes sure she is the one who tells him the bath is ready.  This is true and that is what happens however, as far as ironing his clothes, I think it should have been done the night before. It should be done before all the pillow talk because if the children are also going to school, they too need to be prepared.

THE KENYAN WIFE: The Kenyan wife gets home tired and joins her husband on the couch, from where she shouts instructions and questions to the house help.  “What are you cooking for supper?” “Have you made tea for baba watoto?” “Have the children done their homework?” “Why is there too much milk in the tea?” “Why is that food taking so long?”

THE REALITY IS: The Kenyan wife gets home tired and joins her husband on the couch for a breather then she goes about finding out what is happening. By the time she is leaving for work, she usually knows what will be cooked for supper or she will come with it. As far as have the children done their homework is concerned, this same woman multi-tasking from the kitchen to the bathroom to probably give the children a bath is the same one checking on the children’s home work, diaries and looking through the newsletters and reports sent by the school. She barely has time to sit let alone shout instruction from the comfort of a couch. The other reality of this situation is, the man of the house is not watching all this activity or participating in any way, has received a phone call and is off to the pub to unwind after a long hard day.  He feels neglected because the woman of the house is too involved in everything else but him. She does not have the luxury to leave the house and go for a beer, kick back and go home to a warm, clean house, warm bed and good food! That is the reality.

THE KENYAN WIFE: At this point, her husband is probably wondering who he is married to.

THE REALITY IS: The children, house and everything else belong to both the man and woman and the house help (who is very instrumental) probably has not borne children and her office is the house. She has the luxury of sleep when the children are in school and even has a day off once a week. The woman of the house does not so if the man of the house would like to marry someone who has no children, does not want children and who will not have other things to do but be the ideal wife, I suggest he should do that and everything will work out great!

THE KENYAN WIFE: The wife described by King Solomon gets home tired but goes to the kitchen and serves her husband tea, even if she is not the one who has made it, helps the children to do their homework, decides what the family will have for supper, and is basically aware of what goes on in her household.

THE REALITY IS: The wife described by King Solomon gets home tired but goes to the kitchen and serves her husband tea….., helps the children to do their homework……., decides what the family will have for supper, and is basically aware of what goes on in her household. Ok The wife described by King Solomon is all those things but I beg to know, what is the Kenyan husband doing? Is he watching as all this goes on and drinking tea while his wife supervises homework, super, serving tea and preparing pillow talk or is he in the pub with his mpango wa kando entertaining her with the money he should be keeping aside for his children’s future? What is his role exactly? What?

THE KENYAN WIFE: After supper, the Kenyan wife stretches out on the seat, waiting for Teresa, Shree, and the must watch Naija movie while her neglected husband goes to bed frustrated.

THE REALITY IS: After supper, the Kenyan wife stretches out on the seat to have a little breather and probably catch up on the day’s news or after her family has had supper, she is up again organizing what her children will carry to school, reply to notes from the teacher and prepare for the next day by making sure that the beans, ndengu and what have you are prepped to be boiled the next day so that there is food for the family.

THE KENYAN WIFE: After midnight, she bangs doors on her way to bed, waking him up in the process. Since she is sleepy, she is not bothered to change into night clothes and if she does, she wears those old trousers that he hates and a washed out branded T-shirt.

THE REALITY IS: After midnight, she bangs doors on her way to bed… This is not even remotely true because the children would wake up too and the Kenyan wife would not want to wake up the children especially if they are in their infant years. So as far as adding value, he should make himself valuable by helping out and not going to sleep before his Kenyan wife unless he is drunk mess and his being awake is a nuisance!

IDEAL KENYAN WIFE: The ideal wife goes to bed with her husband, she happily engages in some pillow talk with him, and whatever else happens next. He goes to sleep a happy man and wonders what life would be like without this woman who makes him so happy. As he drifts off, he swears to protect and love her all the days of his life.

THE REALITY IS: The ideal wife goes to bed with her husband (I agree the husband should wait for his wife so they can go to sleep together), she happily engages in some pillow talk with him, and whatever else happens next…. When this is going on, does it mean the children are already asleep or is the house help taking care of them? They are after all not her children and the parents should take care of them until they fall asleep then they can pillow talk, pillow fights and do whatever else they feel like doing. They can then go to sleep happy and wonder what life would be like without each other.

THE KENYAN WIFE: The Kenyan wife is the opposite of the woman Solomon praised. She is always too tired to do anything. She brushes her husband’s hands off when he attempts to touch her. Pillow talk is non-existent in her marriage and any hint of intimacy from her husband is met with an icy look, which makes him swear to find a woman who is sensitive to his needs.

THE REALITY IS: Please tell me when does one get intimate with a man who is drunk, smells like a brewery, smokes like a chimney and smells like something died in his mouth? If the smell of cigarettes and beer makes one get heartburn how can you then be intimate with this man? If he is the ideal man who takes time to groom himself before intimacy then I stand corrected but the reality is that while most women work and go home to work some more, most men will go to the pub to do nothing there! When he comes home smelling of perfume, are you supposed to engage him in pillow talk and get intimate? You must not be from this planet!

YOU HUNG YOURSELF!!: Before you hang me, I am not saying that all Kenyan wives fall short of the mark or that the responsibility of making marriage fulfilling lies only with the woman. What I am saying is that most of us are not doing it right.

THE REALITY IS: Of course there is that man who will never be satisfied no matter how well he is treated…, there are many men who want superwomen but it is not possible.

THE REALITY IS: The Bible teaches that the husband is the head of the family, and that wives should submit to him. Submission, contrary to what many of us think, does not mean answering to your husband’s every whim or acting like his servant; rather, it is respecting and valuing his opinions and allowing him to take charge.

THE REAL REALITY IS: It is very true that a man’s opinions and values should be respected but please do tell me, when he voices his opinion on wanting another wife because you are the Kenyan wife and not the ideal, what should you do then, go hands wide open to welcome another woman to share your husband and your bed….??? I don’t think so!

There is the ideal and there is the real. It is wise to distinguish between the two!