My greatesst fear is being looked up as a role model. It's not the ideaof being a role model that scares the life out of me but the thought of being a negative role model.
Yesterday I had an opportunity to share with my sister life stories. I noticed she started biting her finger nails. The only people in my family who bite their finger nails are my dad and myself. I stopped recently and proud owner of decent length nails, but my younger sister noticed the improvement and made a sad face.
She made a comment that she started biting her nails because she saw me biting mine and thought it was okay. That hit home, and hit home hard. Now as if that not enough, she went ahead and told me that she was confident with her looks as she has me as a role model.
Most people would be pleased with such news, but to me that is pressure. Everything I do has been analysed and copied by my younger siblings without my knowledge. I have been told time and again that younger siblings copy most of what older ones do more than what parents do and am seeing for myself.
Being a first born was not a choice, but everything else is. makes me wonder, what else have they copied. What other mistakes have they seen me do and thought it was okay and for how long. I hope they also copy the good stuff like going to school and getting some education, reading books.
I am freaking out as I was the one who thought my sister was one of the strongest women alive. She is a very good judge of character and normally use her as my date meter, she can tell from first interaction if some one is being honest or deceitful, only to realise, probably I was misleading her all along.
Don't know what to do.
Yesterday I had an opportunity to share with my sister life stories. I noticed she started biting her finger nails. The only people in my family who bite their finger nails are my dad and myself. I stopped recently and proud owner of decent length nails, but my younger sister noticed the improvement and made a sad face.
She made a comment that she started biting her nails because she saw me biting mine and thought it was okay. That hit home, and hit home hard. Now as if that not enough, she went ahead and told me that she was confident with her looks as she has me as a role model.
Most people would be pleased with such news, but to me that is pressure. Everything I do has been analysed and copied by my younger siblings without my knowledge. I have been told time and again that younger siblings copy most of what older ones do more than what parents do and am seeing for myself.
Being a first born was not a choice, but everything else is. makes me wonder, what else have they copied. What other mistakes have they seen me do and thought it was okay and for how long. I hope they also copy the good stuff like going to school and getting some education, reading books.
I am freaking out as I was the one who thought my sister was one of the strongest women alive. She is a very good judge of character and normally use her as my date meter, she can tell from first interaction if some one is being honest or deceitful, only to realise, probably I was misleading her all along.
Don't know what to do.
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